Intimidating is a word rarely used to describe hallways, but that word was the most apt description for this one. One window, 12 feet away from me, about 5 feet off the ground. It let in just enough of the moonlight coming in from outside to hint at the doorway 4 feet on the other side.
One step toward the door, and it already felt like it was going to take a year to get to that door. The floorboards creaked. The walls sighed, and the window shuddered. I felt like the room didn’t want me to walk to it.
Step.

Creak.

Step.

Creak.

CRASH.

The sound didn’t so much sound like it was coming from the room, but as if the room had suddenly crashed into the house. What on earth was going on?

One deep breath later, and I had taken 3 more steps. I could see the outside wall on the other side of the window, and could see the slight curve of the crescent moon outside. There were few stars, but, this deep into the city, I was surprised I could see any.

Scratch. Scraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatch.

My heart begins to race. I no longer want to reach the door. Everything in me wants to run. If I run, will it come after me?

Thump.

Tha-thump.

Creak.

I feel myself walking again. With the window behind me, I am mere feet away from the door. I can almost reach it with my hand.
One more step, hand toward the knob…

Silence.

Somehow, the silence was more unnerving than all of the other sounds combined.

I was here. Here is the door. Just open the door.

Click.

Creak.

Sigh.

Click Here to Download

Enjoy!

Black magic Shaders (Needs PW Shaders.  WILL WORK WITH PWS2)

Cricket for Nana

Magic Metal Shader Presets (Just needs DAZ|Studio)

Sultry Shadows Lights

Also, I couldn’t find a thumbnail, might add it later:

Apt. 39 Lights

There you go!  Updated

I know, I know.  I LIKE the old design.  So, neener.

More coming soon.

That was a long time to wait!  I had to fix my PC, so now, that everything is gone, lol, I had to email hostgator for my PW.  Yay for good customer service!

Ever see this bumpersticker on a Ford, GMC, or Chevy? You know, the “American-Made” cars that are usually put together with parts manufactured in China, assembled in China, and shipped here and sold to us as “American-Made”? This sticker makes me want to SCREAM!!!! Joe and I drive a Scion, a Toyota company who’s headquarters and manufacturing are here in the US.
What irks me the most about those stickers is that they’re usually on vehicles that are built in China or Mexico. I mean, are we supposed to be rewarding the companies that sent US jobs somewhere else? Sorry, not going to happen. I refuse to buy GM, Ford, or Chevrolet until their manufacturing jobs are back in US hands.
On top of that, it’s THESE people who are buying all products manufactured in China, bought by the lowest bidder, and sold at low-low prices. In reality, the builders in China are barely scraping by on their meager salary so WalMart can afford to sell you your cheap Barbie™ dolls and video game systems, and the cashier behind the counter is on welfare because her job doesn’t pay her enough to raise her 5 kids on after her husband got laid off from his manufacturing job because his plant got moved to China.

Are we seeing a cycle? Michigan isn’t a hell-hole because we’re lazy and don’t want to work. Our jobs are being ripped away, and it’s not just the automotive industry. Anyone remember Tecumseh Products? They used to be a leading manufacturer of Cardboard and paper products. Who are the industry leaders now? Chinese manufacturers who can, and will, produce for much less.

I know. This sounds sooooooooooooooo xenophobic of me. But, you know, I would rather know that what I’m buying isn’t, by association, putting my neighbor on the street. Isn’t helping to make sure they can’t pay their mortgage so they get foreclosed on. Isn’t keeping their children from going hungry until school starts again when they can get free breakfast and lunch.

This is a real problem, and people are just blinding themselves to it. We all fall for it, we buy the latest Wii game, and sit and do nothing, and eat more mac and cheese, and forget about everything, because what’s happening to Tom and Jane Neighbor doesn’t affect me, right?

I’ve been adamant about this for a long time. Free trade means TRADE. Not that the CEO’s of US companies get to trade my job to another country. Trade goods. Trade at a GOOD competitive price. Be honest.

But, that, right there, is something that we Americans have a hard time doing.

Cricket for Nana is FREE!!

Enjoy

This started out as a response to a blog post, but since it ended up as a diatribe, I figured, rather than take up space ranting on someone else’s blog (Christy, LOL, ) I’d write this here

The fact that our American society sickens me is not going to come to a surprise to anyone. Yesterday’s activities on “Black Friday” just solidified my disgust. Yesterday morning, on Long Island, a Wal-Mart employee was trampled to death by a mob of shoppers. And, after being notified that they’d trampled him to death, they insisted on continuing their shopping.

Normally, I’m on the side of folks who rail on Wal-Mart. The store is 6 dimensions of horrible, and they’re one of the biggest proponents to our econimical problems. But, just having a sale is no reason to paint them as the bad guys in this situation. I’m going to blame the assholes who COULDN’T FIGURE OUT THEY WERE STEPPING ON SOMEONE.

And, then, decided that shopping was more important than saving a life.

What is wrong with people?

I was in a Wal-Mart on friday. I was getting photos developed (I know, bad idea). People were re-fucking-tarded. The electronics department was absolutely full of people wanting what they couldn’t get. They wanted the deals advertised in the paper that had been gone for 2 hours. They wanted the electronics team to leave the desk and get them video games (signs all over the cases explaining why games would not be sold before 2pm on Friday didn’t stop the idiots from screaming). They wanted things that have never been sold at Walmart. Want want want want want want want!

Then, I heard the ‘N’ word. “Need”. “Oh, but I NEED that camera, I can’t leave here without it!!!” My head whips around…”Are you kidding me? You NEED a camera? A shitty camera, at that? If you can’t deal with the fact that they’re sold out, that’s your problem, not theirs. They just got done telling you that they had gotten in well over 100 of them, and it’s 10am. On BLACK FRIDAY. If you can’t get something you want, deal with it like a big girl. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have photos to pick up for my son. THOSE are something I NEED.”

Yes, there was silence. I got a knowing smirk from the guys behind the counter, and grabbed my film, my foam decorations, and walked to the front of the store to pay for my wares. See, I can do that because I no longer work there. What salespeople NEED to be able to do is to say “No, you can’t have that.”

The customer is not always right. Sometimes, the customer’s just an asshole.

Big IS Beautiful, folks, and that is my intention with this post.  It is most definitely commercial, but it’s long

June, my character that I’ve been working on for months is finally finished!  Right now, you can find her for sale at Content Paradise and at Renderosity!!

And, for now, here are some more preview images

Enjoy!

Thanks!  And have fun!

Jeni

I woke up way too early this morning, due to an upset stomach from White Castle last night (which reminds me of why I’m wholly not a fan of that crap. Yeuch.), and was having weird dreams anyway. There’s nothing on any of the History Channels, nothing on ID, nothing but infomercials on A&E and SciFi…so, I turn to the movie channels to entertain me, because, you know, God forbid I read a book or anything. Oh, wait, that would require turning on a light and grabbing my glasses. And walking on the waterbed to get to the headboard where my book is.
Anyway…after dreaming that I can’t find my car keys, and I have to get somewhere because, apparently, my presence is needed to save the world or something else important, I’m a little overexcited at the unnecessary adrenaline that my dream gave me…so, I scroll through, looking to see what’s on. Most of the movies that have anything interesting for me are over in 15 minutes…oh, Bridge to Terabithia is a good movie…I’ll watch that! And it is a good movie, and a great way to spend my time…that is, until I forget that Leslie dies…
If you know me, you know that my mind works in weird ways. My train of thought doesn’t so much derail as it skips tracks. I watch Jess deal with losing his best friend, and all I can think is…I miss my sister. I miss my cousin. I’m still angry that they’re not here. The sadness left a long time ago…I’ve been un-sad about their death for years. Since their death, I’ve lost other friends…some to suicide, and even another to a car accident. Don’t get me wrong. I am sad. My sister and cousin are gone. I feel that loss, even though I didn’t grow up with them and we’re not blood related. It’s not as strong of a loss as my family went through, and I’m not attempting to minimize that at all. I am angry. I’m angry that two bright lights were extinguished for seemingly no purpose. If there’s a purpose, it doesn’t seem like a good fucking idea. In the wake, my mother thinks everyone’s got a disorder, one sister still blames herself for everything, one distances herself from everything, and everyone else attempts to survive in the meantime. On top of it all…I’ve never dealth with Lyndi and Lenzee’s death well. My mom and I have always fought, but it’s been worse. On top of it, I know she doesn’t mean it, but she reminds me that…even when she died, Lyndi was more responsible for herself than I am right now. She had not only applied to college, but had been accepted and was working on scholarships. I hadn’t even taken my SAT’s yet. She was working 2 jobs, and was doing sports. I’d quit cheerleading, and was working as little as I could. And, now, I’m not even in a place where I can take care of my son all by myself.
11 years later, I haven’t changed much. I still want desperately to be independent, yet lack the capacity to do so. On top of it, even I can see how fucking useless I am. I got laid off, lost my apartment, and lost my son. Well, not so much lost…I really didn’t have a choice. I couldn’t let him travel the state with me, jobless, carless, while I looked for work and didn’t have anywhere for him to go. I couldn’t do that to him, like my biological mother did to my older siblings. Brodie needs consistency…he’s got that at my mom’s. Brodie needs family, Brodie needs to be where he can and will be taken care of. I don’t have the capability, but my mom does.
I can’t, and don’t, blame their deaths as the reason for my problems. Because it’s not. I don’t blame my genes, I don’t blame my upbringing, and I don’t blame my parents (either set). I blame myself. I’m the one who keeps fucking up. I’m the one who can’t seem to get it right. I’m the one who constantly and consistently keeps fucking up a good thing.